On CazBar Review and the Idiot who Wants to Danc

It is indeed one of the safest bar to walk in alone and sit by yourself. It was Friday night, and the band has not started playing, so the music from the bar's iTunes play list was filling it and it was good to my ears.

I walked in to the bar and noticed immediately that the crowd are indeed a little more mature, mostly ex-pats, except for three guys - looks like they are locals - at the bar who are probably in their early 20s. I quickly scanned the room for potential seats and apart from the bar, there was only the couch right at the corner back of the room, away from everyone's view (and vice versa). So I decided to become a lonesome while waiting for my good friend Miss Sassy.

I have always wanted to check this place out since I often drove pass it and a few bloggers always rave about it, in particular Anita. She has told me that I should introduce myself to the matre'd when I get a chance to go there, but I couldn't figure out which one she was. None of the bar staff was wearing anything that sayas they work there. I guess it's part of being "part of the crowd".

I was pretty much left alone with the menu, until I walked up to the bar asking if I could order drinks and nibbles, at the same time asking whether they have any magazines to keep me occupy - Facebook status stalking from my mobile was completed at this stage. It turned out they had a mini library going on at the bar. As much I love to read, it was rather dark to do so then, so I opted for the usual Tatler/Bazaar like magazines just to see who's-doing-what-party-where- and-carrying-which-latest-Hermes yadda yadda yadda.

Anywhoo, my friend arrived and we decided to move and sit at the bar to enjoy a better view of the band and the crown.

Something of that night was the highlight, or more like the downer of my first visit to Cazbar. Brace yourself coz it ain't so pretty.

The band has started to play, and they are good. What comes next, may not be so good.

A man in what appear to be in his 50s, with glasses, gray hairs and beards, came up to us at the bar and asked us whether we would like to dance. (At this point, I recall Anita said the place does not have a dance floor, hence no "chickies" would be interested to be there. In her own words "ga laku"). I guess, some people made the most of the small space by where the band was playing to dance around, which in my opinion were just people having some fun. It was fun to watch too.

We both politely declined his request to dance, preferring to chat and just enjoy the scene of the bar. The man was persistent. We still declined. Still politely.

Until such point, he knew he wasn't going anywhere, and out of nowhere said something along these lines

"Aaargh..you ladies bore me. I just want to dance, I don't want to do anything else. Bla bla bla bla...you stupid Indonesians".

At which point we were stunned, and feisty Miss Sassy raised her voice and said

"What did you just say? Did you just insulted Indonesian? You DO NOT insult Indonesian!"

I lost track of what was said after that exactly, but in conclusion, the said-man was persistent in saying that he knows more about Indonesia as he has lived here for 40years. Which is ironic, considering so. First of all, it has nothing, and I shall add NOTHING, to do with anything that is going on. (Refusing him to dance imply we were stupid? wtf?)

Secondly, even if that was true, he would know, that while some Indonesian ladies would be flattered and jumping up and down at the mere sight of a caucasian man, let alone being asked to dance, other Indonesian ladies, like us, sometimes prefer to have a chat. No, it's not that he was old that we didn't want to dance with him. It was because we simply didn't feel like dancing! Hell, if we did, we wouldn't come to Cazbar.

Miss Sassy yelled at him "Don't let the door hit you on your way out" when he dissappeared. Mind you he came back. Not only that, he came back to what I feel now has become a harrassment. I know the man was probably drunk, but he was starting to annoy me.

It was at his third attempt - which he rudely made a suggestion that we were both lesbians as we did not want to dance with him, again, an ironic remark for someone who has lived here for a long time (Gosh, writing this I wish I had beaten him up then!) - I decided to try to talk some sense into the man. A drunk man too, I might add.

I told him that, while we are flattered (a blatant lie), we just didn't feel like dancing. I told him he was rude and offensive and he should know better if he's telling the truth about having lived here for most his life. He said sorry and told me he was "fucked up" when he meets women (u-hu, an understatement of the century).

He is a German by the way. I could easily spell out his name here, but just in case, I may be sued for defamation, mind you, I may just win with my friend as the witness after what happened in the bar.

The funny thing was, Miss Sassy has a German friend, and she immediately texted him asking if he knows such German guy named H. After some description, her friend said he happened to know a german guy named H who was a skipper. Later we found H's business card left for other patrons next to usand goodness me, it's right there...H-D-O, skipper! What a small world. Miss Sassy asked for her friend's permission if we could take him down for harrassing us. She was serious and I had to refrained her by getting her another drink.

Anyway, all and all, aside from the incident, Cazbar did not dissapoint. The bartender and wait staff were friendly. We ordered snacks (Beef Nachos and Fried Mushrooms) and they were pretty good, not spectacular, but good. I'm interested in their other food so I might try that next time. Prices are on the mid-to-higher end, but it's probably fair given their target market is the ex-pats.

One last note - as much as I like the non-Indonesian ways of thinking (open mind, non-conservative way, no bullshit straight up talk), I detest such behaviour from ex-pats. It's sad to see someone who appear to have a good life here in our beloved country, to behave in such politically-incorrect way, and let alone has the nerve to insult this country, who perhaps has provided the idiot with income that allows him to have a good life here.

So, let's just hope this one idiot, is simply that. Just one drunk idiot who is out of his mind at the time. I'll be damned if I bumped into him again in Cazbar, though I have a feeling he may be a regular.

PS: If you have figured out the idiot's identity from the above, well, keep it to yourself and perhaps give the guy some much needed advise not to hit on two feisty and self-respected ladies the next time he meets them. Or any ladies for that matter.

On the One

Earlier today, as I was driving at 120kph down the toll road to work, the topic on Hardrock FM morning show was "Finding the One". The questions asked were in the likes of"Do you believe in the One", "How hard is it to find the One", etc.

It turned out most people, in Jakarta at least, do not believe in the 'one'. Most of the listeners texted or spoke about their dealings with finding the one. In some cases, a few had thought they found the One, until it turned out to be false alarm. One listener was even three months into the wedding day, when the girl cheated on him and decided, that was it for both of them (mind you, both apparently have cheated on separate occassions, this time, the girl happened to do it one time too many).

But then, there was also the rare case of a listener, who just knew when he met his wife-to-be and they are happily married, for 15years and still going.

Perhaps, those who don't believe in the One are the ones who got stung by this love shit.

Mind you, that got me wondering.

What's the definition of the One?
Does it have anything to do with "Timing"?
Is it just a feeling of "I just know"?
Are we dellusional and just accept the idea into our heads?

As for yours truly, right now, I don't know if I still believe in the concept of the One. I would like to say I do, but truthfully, I don't know.

I thought I have found the one, the one that ticks you in the right way, the one that laughs at your jokes when you expected, the one that makes you laugh. The one that knows what you are thinking (yet probably not quite willing to give in to what I was thinking), the one that hugs you when you need to.

I thought I had it all figured out. But I was wrong.

While that person has (or had) the qualities that I mentioned above, I expected more, and possibly created this image of the ideal person, instead of accepting that person for who he is. Which is the classic mistakes.

When you fall in love, you are so infatuated for the first few months, nothing about the other person bothers you. After a while, you started to see their flaws, which you probably accept. After some accepted level of time, you see more flaws, and that's when you decided tit for tat.

Maybe, after a certain point, neither party is willing to budge beyond a certain point and the relationship breaks down. Maybe that's when you realise you do not love the person that much for that you are not willing to compromise

But then, both parties can say the same right?

"If you love me, you'll compromise x".

"well, if YOU love me, you will let me have x"

Bah.


He was right when he told me to really look into himself really close and see whether it is all that I wanted. Look into him really really closely.

It's still what I wanted, plus slightly more. I just want to be someone who thinks I am important enough to stick around with.

Maybe we both have different expectations. Maybe we both are dellusional. Maybe the timing is wrong. Maybe we are guilty of wanting the other one to be the ideal image of what we think.

Maybe he is still the one. Maybe he is not. Maybe the One is still out there. Or maybe he is turning into the One, just like a worm in a cacoon turning into a butterfly one day.

Maybe I need get a grip. Maybe I am still dellusional.

Cest la vie.

On Levelling with Yours Truly

Apparently I am too dominating. So I was told.

Tell me something I don't know.

I know I am. That's why, I need a man who can have the mutual respect for me. I don't want a guy to be agreeable. I need a real man to take control of me, respectfully.

Some old-fashioned relative told me I should marry a 'bule',ie. western guys, because apparently I don't listened to the 'men'. She has no fucking idea what she is talking about.

Look, I may be tough, but that does not mean I don't like to be taken care of. But taking care of me is an art of its own. I am neurotic. I am vulnerable. I am selfish. Yet I do believe I am kind and loving at the same time.

I need a man who can level with me. Is it that hard to find a good guy that can level with me, emotionally and intelligently?

No wonder many smart women stays single. There is not enough smart men to compete with the smart women.

To the intelligent men out there, this post is obviously not about you. To those who are not-so-intelligent, need I say more?

On the Hope of Hoping

I can't believe I am in this position again. Yet, this time, I hope it will be better.

I refuse to let it bring me down, but instead I will be positive and hope for the best. If I am good enough, I shall still be wanted and retained. If not, then I know it's their loss. The other party knows I want them, but only if we agree on the same terms.

Just realised, reading the above lines, I could be talking about either my relationship or my work situation, or both.I guess you'll never know which one(s). In any case, I am starting to believe that work and love relationship is pretty much the same. If both parties can't agree on things, then one will leave. Mind you in such economic and life conditions, what should one do will depend on whooooleee lot of considerations. But one will never compromise on basic things.

Here's wishing for the best.

On Love Letters of Great Men

"I'm looking for love.Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love." - Carrie

I got one of the best gifts ever today, from a very good friend of mine. It was a book titled "Love Letters of Great Men", a book that never existed until now and was inspired by the scene in Sex and the City the movie, where Carrie read to Mr Big the love letters from Napoleon, and Ludwig Bethoven.

I love the books. I love what it represents, and the timing couldn't be more perfect

Especially, I love what the notes said to me:

"To the girl who loves the story so much
May she find it
Love.
Real, ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other
An abso-fucking-lutely love
and hope she finds that great man with all of the above, and even more"

and my favourite letter - altho the book wrote it somewhat not exactly the same as below (verbatim wise)

Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you,
my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully,
then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us
I can live only wholly with you or not at all
Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits
Yes, unhappily it must be so
You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you.
No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves.
And yet my life in V is now a wretched life
Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men
At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection?
My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once
Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell.
Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours"
-Beethoven

Dedicated to you, that special someone out there.

On Questions and Answers

I need some answers. Answers from questions I need to ask. But to ask such questions would that label me as an insecure person, lose the upper hand, or would that actually make me a humble person?

If one really cares for another, wouldn't one be honest and give the answer, regardless whether that is the ideal answer, just so the other person can make the decision that might change his or her life?

Can you really just ask the questions, even if you think the answer is not what you wanted?

On Miss FF Coffee Break Spill - Part 2

Sipping her drinks, she went on:

"After a year, I thought we would be somewhere different, but we are not. And honestly, I am confused as to his intentions with me. He said he cares about me, but there was never a concrete idea as to what it is that is holding him back to be with me the way I want it to be."

"Hmm." I said. "Sounds like he has some committment issue".

"You thiiiinkk???" her sarcasm is so understated right now.

"Look, maybe, he just needs time. Obviously he cares a lot about you, and if you think he is not stringing you along, then just enjoy the ride. He'll come around."

I sipped my coffee and continued on:

"Do you love him? Do you see yourself with him in the future? If you do, then just keep at it. But I have to say, you have to be prepared for the worst. It's a risk here. You may invest the time and energy for the next few years, and he may never come around - are you ready for that too? If you're not, I'd say you think about whether you want to keep going. How much time are you willing to give him?"

Another big sigh from Miss FF.

"I do want to be with him, and I can see myself with him. The problem is, I don't know how much time he needs, and I can't ask him that. I don't know how much he wants me. I would hate to pressure him, and I can't seem to bring myself to speak straight to him. I sense his reluctance to talk about it everytime I bring it up".

She called for another drink from the waiter and went on:

"I just wish he cares enough about what matters to me. If it's time he needs, just tell me how long, and that way, I can see whether I want to keep up with it".

I smiled and said to her,

"Honey, probably he himself doesn't know how much time he needs." I sighed, and said "I would hate to say this to you, but I was once told, if a man can't see you in the future with him now - especially at our age - then, maybe he is too coward to make a decision about his future, or he's waiting for something else to come along. It's a tricky one, generally, that is the case, but I can't speak for Frank. You really have to talk to him, and listen to your heart".

She said,

"All I want is to be with him. I have given it all, and I am just afraid if I hold it out any longer, I might be hurt. He knows how I feel about him. I just need to know how important I am to him. If I am not, I'd say we should bite the bullet and save the trouble of sealing the deal and breaking it up in the future. I hate to say all these, as if I am so insecure, but how can I not be, if not once has he ever called me his 'girlfriend', or how uncomfortable he is when I call him my 'boyfriend' everytime I want to shut people up when they asked about our relationship. Do you know how it looks to the press? I am his "girl who he is very closed to". That's what I am".

Tears are now falling down her cheeks. I held her hand, and said to her:

"Honey, you need to find out what you really want. If he really loves you, he'll come around. Maybe, you should take some time apart, and give him a chance to miss you? To see what he is missing? If he doesn't, then, you know he doesn't care and you both will save the time and anxiety. But if he does, then, that's your answer. So..be patient? And ask the big Man above for directions, he usually shows you the way".

Wiping her tears away, she said: "You're right. Maybe I will take some time off to cool off. Plus, I guess, if you're never someone's girlfriend, you could never be someone's ex-girlfiend." I smiled at that last somewhat sarcastic statement of hers.

She went on: "I think I am worth pursuing. I have laid all my cards down, he knows how I feel. I just hope he feels the same way. If he cares...which I hope he does, he'll fix the situation".

I smiled "Atta girl. It won't be easy, but if it's meant to be, you know you've given it your best. Just look after yourself, and girlfriend, a hot sassy girl like you - any guy would be lucky to have you. So..cheer up k? Another gin and tonic?"

She broke a smile, and said

"Nah. I'd say we open a bottle of Moet to celebrate my homecoming. Waiter!"

And that's how we ended our coffee/gin-tonic/champagne break. I have yet to hear the latest from her. I do hope that Frank is not an idiot, and will treat her right. She deserves some happiness, and I know the happiness she is after is with him.

As for the rest of us, including yours truly, the search for true love continues. We all deserve some happiness, and preferably with the person we want to be with, and who wants to be with us. So let's keep the hope alive.

On Miss FF Coffee Break Spill - Part 1

I received a call from my good pal, Miss Frou Frou a couple of weeks ago. Now, I met her during my Europe assignment, and befriended with her since then. A sassy girl, Miss FF here is in her early 30s, with quite a few relationship experiences up her sleeve. She's travelled around the world for work, and now in a relationship with an investment banker, who's promised to be big and sucessful (in fact I believe he is already). They've been dating for about a year and I hear from time to time about the juicy gossip on their relationships.

She was in town for the next couple of weeks and called me for a coffee catch up. I was looking forward to see her to see what latest trends she's picked up from her travels and the latest juice on her love life.

To my surprise, she looked tired and exhausted, not quiet the same Miss FF that I knew.

"How are you?" I asked giving her a peck on the cheek and a hug.

"Meh. Surviving. You?" she shrugged her shoulders.

"I'm good. What's wrong? Don't get me wrong for saying this, but you look terrible. Is everything okay?". There I sensed my panic tone. I never knew Miss FF to be frazzled by anything, let alone looking this exhausted.

"I'm tired. My current - well, relationship, if you can even call it that, is taking a toll on myself. I'll tell you in a minute. What do you want to order?" she raised her hand to call the cute waiter in the restaurant that we are in.

While the waiter took my order (coffee for me, gin and tonic for her - she desperately needed it), I try to recall our past conversations on how her love life has been. Now, the banker's name is Frank. They met about a 3 years ago through a mutual friend at some glitzy corporate functions for Cartier, became very good friend and decided to date each other in the last year. I always assume they are in an exclusive relationship given that they are not dating anyone else except themselves. They even went on holiday at one stage. However, I recall Miss FF saying that she wanted to take it slow given that she's been hurt too many times and Frank was in the same boat.

Whatever I said.

I recall how Miss FF gushed about him at the early point of their relationship (read: infatuation). She thought she's met the one who is perfect for her. I must say, they mesh perfectly - their sense of humor especially. In short, she was happy. Which now makes me wonder what's going on.

"So, Frank and I, well, you know how we have been dating for about a year?" she said, lighting her Virginia Slims, and offering me one. I took one, light it up, and nodded.

"Well, I don't know where I am in his life, and I am sick and tired of wondering." she said.

I frowned. (Dammit, there goes another Botox appointment required).

"What do you mean you don't know where you are in his life?"

"I don't think I am a priority for him"

She sighed, and continued:

"I thought, after one year, there would be at least some change in our relationship. But nothing's changed. Well, some things have changed for sure, but not quite the change that I expected. I want us...to be together."

I frowned even further and said "You are together, right? Huhh?"

Sighing some more, she said:

"Is it desperate for me to say that I want a commitment from him? I don't have to get married to him now, but at least I need to know that we are heading to the same direction. We've talked about this, and every time I bring it up, all I get from his is

"I thought we agree to take this slow? You know where I am in my life right now, I am not ready for a big commitment in my life, especially with the stock market as it is. Is it not enough what we have right now? We are having fun right?"

So, everytime I heard that, I keep telling myself that we just need time to get to know each other, and that he'll come around. I understand that he is very focused on work, especially with the volatile market right now".

The waiter came with our drinks. Boy, he is cute. I gotta get his number.

The Sign

As I watched the re-run of SATC last episode of the first season, where Carrie was standing up outside her apartment, deciding whether she should go to the all-paid-Carribean-holiday with Mr Big, and asked him for a sign that 'she's the one', that he loves her and all - and all he did was nothing - I started to wonder about my own SATC episode in life.

I just hope my ending is like Carrie's.